On Monday this week, I took part in an interesting debate on BBC Radio Nottingham, on the Morning Show with Frances Finn: ‘when are we in our prime – physically, psychologically, productively ???’  

There must be as many views on this as there are people…. My focus, of course, is psychological fulfilment; to me, this means, feeling ‘good in your skin’ (the French have a saying ‘il faut se faire a son visage’  -this translates literally as ‘you’ve got to get used to the face you’ve got’  – this is not just about accepting how we look, physically, but also, learning to accept oneself, for better and worse! …understanding the ‘shadow side’ of your personality, coming to terms with your demons. This is about being able to see the funny side of life, being philosophical….wise and serene…living for the moment and facing forward with a sense of ‘glass half full’ 

I believe this time in our lives may be momentary: for example, ecstatic moments such as the wedding day, the birth of a child, achievement of a major sporting victory/artistic recognition… and when it is more enduring, it is probably episodic, and comes later in life rather than earlier. All our experiences contribute to the development of our inner peace, even (and perhaps, especially, our traumas).

Ultimate fulfilment is likely to be a direction, not a destination – as Carl Rogers, father of Person-centred counselling, believed.

In the lead up to our 20’s, we are establishing our self-identity, sexual-identity, academic-identity, early career steps and seeking financial independance; probably ‘seperating’ from parents. This is a time of making sense and meaning about ourselves by comparison with others. The big question is  ‘who am I?’ ?’

20’s-30’s … this is more about ‘where am I going?’ we may be carving a path in relationships, accumulating material possessions, engaged in workplace competition. This is a time for pursuing interesting cul-de-sacs, as our creative energy is high…

30’s-40’s:  we now tend to focus ‘what is my priority?‘ Towards objectives, child-centric, materialistic, bursts of creativity, comparison with others.

40’s-50’s – the challenge of the ‘mid-life crisis’ …’is it now or never?‘  pursuit of lost opportunities, the star of a time of critical reflectivity, changes of direction; increased interest in non-materialistic issues, eg spirituality, environment, politics… A reminder: this is the start of the second half of our lives! 

50’s-60’s: ‘what does the future hold now?‘ a time of adjustment and development/enhancement of different interests; grieving losses, includig self-related. Existential issues….

60’s-70’s: ‘keep on rockin’  energy for new experiences and special interests; reflection on the past, especially losses; enjoying social contact of various kinds.

70’s onwards; ‘making the most of life’  – in every feasible way!