On Tuesday this week, in the BBC Radio Nottingham studio, Fran, the Morning Show presenter, and I, debated whether anybody/everybody might benefit from therapy, at some point in their life-time, or whether getting ‘in touch with emotions’ was unnecessary, and we ‘should just get a grip, show a stiff upper lip’ as in the past – during the last world war, for example.

I was keen to dismantle certain myths: 

• therapy must be a heavy-weight, intense process that last years No! You are in the driving-seat and it can be as deep as you feel you need to go; some people feel much better after just one hour of therapy, and leave at that point.
• if you have a traumatic or tragic experience, you automatically need therapy No! Many people are psychologically robust enough to process these experiences, in a reasonable time, without needing therapy. It all depends on the person’s core beliefs about self/others and the way the world is supposed to be, and what else he/she has gone through in life.
• therapy brings up stuff from the past, you end up worse than you started No! You don’t have to talk about the past if you don’t want to. There are very, very few people who say that therapy did not help in any way…..and masses of people who have benefited, and told others so!

I like to compare having therapy with going to see your GP:

• some people go when they have an ailment they can’t shake off (eg a persistent difficulty they can’t resolve )
• some people go to just check they haven’t got a serious medical condition  (eg ‘I feel like i’m going mad…I think there’s something wrong with me’)
• some people go as a last resort, sometimes under pressure from family/friends, because symptoms have become very obvious (eg a crisis, desperate distress) 
• some people need to go regularly to treat a long-term condition until it is controlled and they can manage it themselves (eg abuse of some kind in childhood, or recent past, or current addiction) 
• some people avoid going ever, unaccepting of any sign of physical weakness (eg ‘there’s nothing wrong with me, I’m ok…it’s other people who have the problem’) 

The most balanced, common-sense attitude is…..seek medical help ( or therapy)  when you need it. In the words of R.E.M ‘Everybody hurts some time’  … and when you do, waiting until the pain is unbearable, or refusing treatment, ultimately negatively affects you, and loved ones.

There are some natural fears:

• I may get really emotional and not then be able to get myself under control again…’Once I start to cry/get angry/talk about it…I’ll never be able to stop, I’ll explode etc’
• Therapy may not work for me, and I’ll be officially a ‘hopeless case’
• I may end up needing therapy like a crutch, when at least before I was wearing a mask and coping
• The therapist may judge me – even though he/she is not supposed to – and make me feel bad/vulnerable/silly/ashamed etc…so I must not let my guard down
• Having therapy is for ‘loopy’ people – I don’t want to be like them, I’m not needy, that’s not who I am

All of these fears are because of lack of understanding of the therapy process, and/or lack of confidence in the competency of the therapist.

Psychotherapists go through 4 years of training, including their own therapy, and attend frequent, regular supervision, to ensure that the process is ethical, safe, confidential and in the client’s best interest , and continuous professional development maintains this. 

In therapy, you find:

• somewhere to make sense of the experiences you are going through or that have happened in the past, and come to terms with these…
• somewhere to gain new perspectives or explore options, make difficult decisions/choices…
• somewhere to disclose  hurt, pain, shame, worry, fear, anger, sadness…..that you can’t, or don’t want to, tell anyone else – and receive empathy, warmth, honesty and understanding …..whilst not being judged
• somewhere safe to work on overcoming depression, trauma, anxiety, low self-esteem, stress, obsessions, phobias, eating disorders, and so many other common human problems
• somewhere to develop self-awareness and insight and learn self-compassion, self-soothing, to cope with what life bounces at you!

So, WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR ?!